Desperate times call for desperate measures. Pick up the phone, Omar. Fred. Open up your wallet. Sign both Bonds and Sosa to MINOR league contracts for an INSANE amount of loot. Next, commission the undetectable steroid. If Church and/or Pagan and/or (God forbid) Chavez the Great are out for an extended time, bring the juice heads up. No matter how well they perform, banish them back to the minors as soon as the DL'ers heal.

And one more thing Fred, if I may. Could you hire me as a ball boy for all the playoff games? Thanks Fred, I owe you one. Lets Go Mets!

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