1) SAVE SHEA. Dismantle that fascist yuppie playpen next door. Who wants to
have $226 sushi while reclining on a leather couch getting a $189 pedicure from
a supermodel while slamming $28 Vodka tonics? KEEP SHEA ALIVE!
2) BULLFIGHING. Hemingway was right: We need bullfighting at Shea when the
Mets are out of town. We are Mets fans which means we are hard-boiled and need
to watch Los Toros. All the bull excrement and horse guts and blood will be
great for the grass.
3) PORRISTAS MEXICANAS DE BEISBOL: MEXICAN
BASEBALL CHEERLEADERS! FOR EVERY GAME!
4) COMPEL THE CORPORATE FAT CATS TO PUBLICALLY APOLOGIZE FROM A GRAND- STAND
IN THE CENTER OF SHEA FOR THEIR ATTEMPTED CRIME AGAINST METS FANS AND FUTURE
METS FANS AND THE REST OF HUMANITY!
5) KEEP SHEA AS IT IS FOREVER!
6) Free Beer FOREVER!
We believe these demands are not unreasonable.
If you believe Shea should be saved and you are in sincere and obsessive agreement
with the above demands then join the growing army of paranoid Videodrome-addicted
Mets fans who have had enough. Screw reality! We want to keep our beloved Shea
Stadium. Spread the word of this revolution in thinking and join the most important
human struggle since man emerged from the primordial slime!
What's next? Are they going to tear down the Great Pyramids? The Grand Canyon?
The Parthenon? The Coliseum? Mount Rushmore? Rudy's? The Playboy Mansion? Step
up and get your microchip implant!
STOP THE FAT CATS IN THEIR EVIL PLAN TO ENSLAVE THE WORLD IN THE SOCIETY OF
THE SPECTACLE FIGHT CLUB VIDEODROME SCANNERS SHIVERS ZOMBIE WE WANT A BANK INSTEAD
OF A BALLPARK CONSPIRACY!
And don't forget to send $15 (check or money order or well-concealed cash)
to BadMets for your free all-cotton T-Shirt with our motto screaming:
SAVE SHEA STADIUM!
WE WON'T WIN
BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
We have decided not to put nooses or guillotines on the shirts (too defeatist).
We have decided to have a bull, strong and defiant, as our symbol. A dead bull,
all these swords stuck in him and his big tongue sticking out dead in the dust.
Always remember my dear droogs and never forget: If Shea Stadium was good enough
for Samuel Beckett then it is good enough for you!
© SAVE SHEA FOUNDATION 2007
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